Feeling the feels as time goes on and parenting takes on a whole different way of being…

My younger daughter Emily and her boyfriend Sam left recently after a 4-day visit. We had such impactful, care-free, quality time together, and I feel so fulfilled when I am with my girls. I felt exactly the same way when my older daughter Alexa came for a visit (and left) with her boyfriend Will in February. Along with every other visit by each of them before then.

One of my less than favorite things about midlife is that the stage of raising the kiddos has changed.

There’s so much I have embraced about that. Newfound freedom, more time for me, way less exhaustion. Time with them in a different way: adult conversations, watching them evolve, seeing what phenomenal human beings they are turning out to be.

And…I miss my kids.

They’re still ‘mine’…I’ll always be their Mom and (thankfully) they look for me.

And…I miss the littles they once were.

I miss the everyday of them.

I miss the carefree feeling when we are all sleeping under one roof.

I miss knowing what they are doing nearly every second of the day.

I miss being able to peek in where they’re playing or reading or watching tv and “see” that they are ok.

I miss that stage of life. When things revolved around their schedules more than mine. When we spent weekends cheering them on in their sports + activities. At times I was gasping for air, pining for a day of rest and I didn’t really believe the people who told me “it goes quickly, and you’ll miss it when it’s gone”. I nodded in half-agreement and thought – I’m just soooo tired! Life was busy, in what I now know was the best possible way. Even if I didn’t really believe it at the time.

This is THIS stage of life; I love it also.

And I miss the littles.

As I have navigated this journey into parenting adult children one thing I know to be true is that these two ideas can exist simultaneously: I can miss that and still love this. One doesn’t negate the other, and I don’t have to choose which time was/is better. Both can be true.

As these visits come to an end, I am feeling all the feels. I honor that as a necessary part of the cycle. As it does every other time, tomorrow will come and I’ll immerse myself in this part of life, joyously and with the freedom of knowing that missing happens because an abundance of love is present. And then I’ll start the countdown to the next visit…